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October 06, 2005
Volume 7, Issue 6
Today's theme is these three words:
blue
nine
eaten
Ted: Two More Sins when Living on Mars
Seven deadly sins? I have a new one to add: Vitriol. Since jealousy is green, vitriol will be.... blue. Yes. Blue. Like the caustic chemical compound. Another new one: Ignorance. Of the two, I think I could forgive vitriol first. At least one must make a conscious decision to be vitriolic. It is therefore a correctable sin, if one can live long enough. Ignorance however, is practiaclly a death sentence. How many times have we seen a chum get eaten by a sand bloom due to ignorance? The other seven sins will still kill you, we just have nine here.
Michele: blue - da ba dee da ba
Susan stood over the toilet, horrified. Not only was the shit she just took was blue-hued, it was floating in a sea of blue piss.
She felt a flutter of panic crawling into her heart. Holy shit, I’m dying. I must have a disease. 911. Hospital. Dying, she whispered to herself.
“KAREN! HURRY!”
Karen, hearing the panic in her roommate’s voice, barreled into the bathroom. Susan was pointing at the bowl. “Blue! What the fuck, it’s blue!”
Karen peered into the toilet.
“You know those BLUE frosted cupcakes I made after we smoked last night?”
“Yea...”
“How many?”
“Nine...”“Yea.”
Laurence - Countdown
Across the bright blue sky, a single cloud in the shape of the number nine lazily floated by.
"What's that?" asked Sue.
Bob smiled. "God's counting down to the end of the world."
"Are you sure?" said Sue.
"Positive," said Bob.
"Well… um… what should we do?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?????"
"Nothing," said Bob. "So, have you eaten yet?"
"The end of the world is coming, and you're thinking about food?"
"Well, we could screw," said Bob. "But I'm hungry."
Sue ran screaming into the street.
"Dingbat didn't ask about the ten," Bob chuckled. "I remember my grandfather telling me about it…"
Stacy: Personal Worst
"911, what's your emergency?"
"Yeah, I'm having these real bad stomach pains..."
"Sir, are you shot?"
"Naw, man, it's just my stomach, I think it's something I've eaten..."
"Sir, this is an emergency line..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I gotta emergency...oh god, the pain!"
"Sir, what did you eat?"
"Blue eggs."
"Sir, where did you get blue eggs?"
"Dunno, they came out of the can that way."
"The can...you ate eggs from a can??"
"Yeah, the mini-mart was having this sale, $.99 cents..."
"Sir, stay calm, the ambulance is on it's way... But I’d be prayin’ if I were you."