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September 15, 2005

Volume 6, Issue 15

An advertising executive is asked to pitch a campaign for a new unpalatable breakfast cereal. Write the pitch.


AT LAST!! Relief for the harried modern-day commuter. No more will you be tied to the daily regimin of sweats, sweat and muscle aches. No more hurrying to shower to rid yourself of the stink of excercise before proceeding to work in the morning. Now, for the very first time you can combine breakfast with weight-loss. Kellogg's brings you Frosted Snakes. But wait!!, there's more! Not only will you lose weight due to your inability to keep this new cereal down, but, if you manage to plant it in your gut, YOU WILL BECOME REGULAR to a degree never before experienced. Be the first on your block to go from a size 12 to a size 1. For the first 500 persons purchasing this new and exciting product, we will include at a FREE case of Depends adult diapers for safe and secure comfort. Get yours today!

Posted by: MIKE at September 15, 2005 06:47 AM · Permalink · Rate It: + / -   Current Rating: $num_of_min1rates) {$cur_rate="+".$cur_rate;} } elseif ($num_of_rates==0) { $cur_rate=0;} echo $cur_rate; ?>

Picture it: Raisin Bran… meets Lucky Charms. A healthy cereal that kids will love!

“But it’s got marshmallows?”

No marshmallows. Instead: tiny, bite-sized, flavor-packed, sun-dried vegetables. Miniature broccoli, miniature cauliflower, miniature beets and tomatoes! We’re talking real vegetables, full of concentrated vegetable flavor, providing 100% of 16 essential vitamins and minerals for your children’s growing bodies. It’s a rainbow of veggie goodness.

“You’re shitting me.”

No sir! Mmmm, sun-dried miniature onions and radishes! Colorful and chock full of anti-oxidants! Chewy mini-vegetables blended with a tasty spoonful of grape-nuts? Kids’ll just eat this stuff up by the box!

“And… you’re fired.”

Posted by: Matt Howell at September 15, 2005 11:30 AM · Permalink · Rate It: + / -   Current Rating: $num_of_min1rates) {$cur_rate="+".$cur_rate;} } elseif ($num_of_rates==0) { $cur_rate=0;} echo $cur_rate; ?>

Harrison lifted the spoon to his mouth and started chewing. His face contorted into a mask of disgust.

“Jeezus! What is this shit?”

“Exactly,” replied Johnston.

“We did some research. Turns out most mammals do a lousy job of extracting nutrients from food. Plenty of stuff just – goes to waste, you’ll pardon the expression. We’re simply running it through a second time.

“Plus, the ingredients are practically free. Think of the variable margin – like printing money!

Harrison considered this briefly, rolling a kernel of corn around on his tongue.

“Add a sugar frosting and put a bear on the box.”

Posted by: Elisson at September 15, 2005 01:32 PM · Permalink · Rate It: + / -   Current Rating: $num_of_min1rates) {$cur_rate="+".$cur_rate;} } elseif ($num_of_rates==0) { $cur_rate=0;} echo $cur_rate; ?>

The Bowl was running dry. Irish, as usual, had his stash heisted by a youth gang, and Barney's gang sampled too much of their own. Sugar still had his supply, but that was stretched paper-thin.

The junkies were jonesing, hard. Bird was trying to get into a program, but he'd do anything if someone offered a fix. At least Rabbit was openly whorish.

Perfect time to move in with new product. Which is what the Gang did. Got some big, mean guys as both touts and muscle. "'s big, yeah. Not small, no." Cornered that market right quick.

Oh, yeah.

Posted by: Jeff R. at September 15, 2005 02:04 PM · Permalink · Rate It: + / -   Current Rating: $num_of_min1rates) {$cur_rate="+".$cur_rate;} } elseif ($num_of_rates==0) { $cur_rate=0;} echo $cur_rate; ?>