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August 29, 2005

Volume 5, Issue 29

For today's theme, please write about light bulbs.

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Laurence - Broken glass

The Talmud dictates that there should be "awe and trembling" upon a couple getting married. The destruction of a glass has its roots in superstition, but it took one pissed-off rabbi to carry the odd practice over to Jewish weddings.

But instead of smashing a glass as tradition dictates, most Jewish weddings these days have the groom smash a cheap light bulb wrapped in a napkin.

Which means, of course, those weddings aren't real weddings at all. Those couples are living in sin and shall be damned for it.

What do Jews break for a divorce?

The pre-nup, of course.


Ted: The Once and Future....


"Yes, Phillip?"

"What is the point of light we can't see? I mean if we're smarter, faster, meaner, and more deadly than anything else on the planet, shouldn't we be able to access all the natural resources available?"

"Hmm, you may have something there. What if we could see the entire electro-magnetic spectrum? What could we learn?"

And the rest is history. Upon being able to finally see the continous spectrum, Mankind learned their true place in the cosmos and created a world, then a galaxy, of peace. All because some stoned MIT grad saw a black light bulb.


Michele: Boom Boom, Out Go the Lights

“Let there be light!”

And lo, the earth was lit. Again.

“What the hell is that, Gabriel?”

“It’s light?”

“A light bulb? We are going to re-light the world with a GE 60 watt?”

“It’s 60 magical watts!”

God eyed the pull-chain hanging from the heavens.

“And this will just....hang here?”

“Just make a sign that says ‘do not touch or world will go dark’”

‘Remember the ‘do not eat’ thing? Adam and Eve?”

Gabriel sighed. “They’re just going to fuck it up again, you know.”

“No. They’re not.”

God pulled the chain and led Gabriel through the darkness.

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Andy: Looking Back

"I left it on," she says. "I know it."

"What? Left what on?" He keeps watching the road.

"The lamp, on the end table."

"It'll be fine," he says. "Keep away burglars."

"What if the cat knocks it over?"

"Dumb cat. No surprise."

"What if it lands on the magazines by the table?"

He shakes his head, "Don’t worry."

"And they catch fire?"

"Hope your cat knows how to open the front door."

She looks in the side mirror, back toward home, the house she knows is, at this moment, in terrible danger, and wonders why she married this man.