View All Issues« Previous Issue | Main | Next Issue »
August 28, 2005
Volume 5, Issue 28
The theme for today is the word tooth.
Laurence - Open wide
I swear I didn't mean to kill the Tooth Fairy.
I guess he forgot me or something, so twenty years later he's playing catch-up. When he came barging into my house last night, I woke up and shot him with the gun I keep under my pillow..
Now he's buried the back yard, tutu and all.
Of course, I kept his bag of coins. All I need to do is pull a tooth out from under a pillow and the appropriate change just appears in there. All I need are tons of teeth.
Open wide. This won't hurt a bit.
Michele: Little Bastard
On his eight birthday, little Jimmy Haversham lost a bottom tooth. I was perched in a tree when it happened and I saw him threaten the poor boy whose errant elbow caught Jimmy’s mouth.
“I swear, you will die!” cried Jimmy.
That night, Jimmy wrote a note to me, the tooth fairy:
Don’t give me stupid qawters. I want big muney. Or I will skwish you under my shoo lik I did to that litenin bug.And so Jimmy Haversham, bad speller and rotten kid, woke up with a couple of maggots dropping eggs where his tooth used to be.